Absolutely Amazing.

["Vegetable Man" <p4980@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED
   You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the
person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in
the most extraordinarily stupid way.
   The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of
it.
   In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a jet engine
(JATO) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above
the road.
   And now, the 1997 winner:  Larry Waters of Los Angeles-one of the few
Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's boyhood
dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air
Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight
disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself
with watching jets fly  over his backyard. One day, Larry, had a bright
idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and
purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather
balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four hundred feet
across. Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn
chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the
balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only
a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several
sandwiches and a six-pack  of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-figuring
he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend-and went back to
the floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and
provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30
feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come
back down.
Things didn't quite work out that way.
   When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't
float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if
shot from a cannon. He didn't level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at
100 feet. After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At
that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he
unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there,
drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours. Then he really got
in trouble. He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of
Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted Larry. He
radioed the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun.
Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the
airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter
was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling
and the offshore breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the
helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with
Larry. Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they
attempted to close in for a rescue, but the draft from the blades would
push Larry away whenever they neared. Finally, the helicopter ascended to a
position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry
snagged the line and was hauled back to shore The difficult maneuver was
flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew. As soon as Larry was hauled to
earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX
airspace. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover
the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and
replied
nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."

Let's hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997
Darwin Award Winner.