Re: The Ten Worst Zep Songs

["Rob O'Reilly" <roreill@xxxxxxxxx>]

On Sat, 8 Nov 1997, Bill O'Neil wrote:

> I decided to post the difinitive list of Zeppelin's ten worst songs.

Yes!  Here's a thread I can get into.

First, I'll commment on Bill's choices.  Then, I'll put together my own
list.

> 10. Thank You --  Admittedly, when played live this song tried to rock, at
> least it did every once it a while.  The BBC version is great... for the
> first few seconds.  It then rapidly deteriorates into the same dumb love
> song wherein the hardest-rocking guys in show biz play like
> barbituate-loaded Lawrence Welk Band devotees.  The one song on Zep II that
> receives the "skip" button every time.

I have to disagree about the live versions; I thought the song worked well
in that context.  The studio version, however, is trite and vaguely
nauseating.
 
> 9.  The Crunge -- The boys took "Play that Funky Music White Boy" a little
> too seriously.  Unfortunately, applying one's brain to a funk riff can only
> fuck it up.  Funk is music of the crotch, and The Crunge falls somewhat
> short; music of the toes, maybe.

Granted, James Brown isn't losing any sleep over this one.  For me,
however, the ridiculous time changes, cheesy synthesizer lines, and
and unspeakably banal lyrics all make this one fun to listen to.
 
> 8.  I'm Gonna Crawl --  The last song in the (non-postumous) catalogue.
> Zep should've stopped with All My Love.  Crawl, indeed... as far from your
> speakers as possible.  Unfortunately, you can't skip this one, because it's
> last.  Maybe it earns the even-more-coveted "Disc Skip" award.

Couldn't disagree more, actually; this song is one of my favorites by the
band.
 
> 7.  Boogie With Stu --  Okay, so they had a a double album to fill.
> Fortunately, the skip button works on double CDs, too.

Fluffy, but entertaining.
 
> 6.  South Bound Suarez --  It's a shame Jimmy Page took so much smack,
> because that left him all too easy a target for Satan-in-Muttonchops, aka
> John Paul Jones.  As a result, we, the fans, are left with drivel like
> this.

This one is too non-descript for me to have much of an opinion about it 
one way or the other.
 
> 5.  Hats Off to Roy Harper --  Zeppelin has a well-deserved reputation for
> ripping off other artists, and nowhere is this more apparent than in Hats
> Off.  Can you see it?  Jimmy:  "Robert, I'm going to play a bunch of atonal
> slide scrapes.  You sing a bunch of old blues standards."  Robert:  "Okay,
> Jimmy."  Wow, what devastating way to close the otherwise superb Zep III.
> Another "Disc Skip" winner.

See "Boogie With Stu."
 
> 4-3-2.  What I call the "Presence Suite": Royal Orleans, Candy Store Rock,
> and Hots on for Nowhere.  They say necessity is the mother of invention; in
> this case the *need* to skip so many songs begat the programmable CD
> player.  The "good" stuff on this album is hardly enough to offset the
> "skip" winners.  "Oh, baby, baby" I'll just listen to another album
> instead.

"Candy Store Rock" is one of my favorites off this album, and "Royal
Orleans" is entertaining enough.  "Hots on For Nowhere," however, is
rather dull and is much too long.
 
> And number one....
> 
> 1.  Hot Dog --  More like "Cold Turkey."  Smack addled Page could barely
> play it.  Live versions reveal Page missing approximately every note, which
> makes me wonder how many takes this "fun little song" took in the studio.
> Probably seemed funny at the time, but twenty years later it's about as
> funny as the old joke about the Priest, the Rabbi and the Polack.

This one truly is a clunker.


As for my own list ...

10.  "Tangerine" - as a lyricist, Page is a good guitarist.  Nice solo,
boring song, awful lyrics.

9.  "Bonzo's Montreaux" - it's a drum solo; need I say any more?

8.  "Baby Come on Home" - keep on playing shit like this, and I'll stay
away for good.

7.  "Tea for One" - dull, duller, dullest.  

6.  "Thank You" - see my comments above.

5.  "Night Flight" - if the word "banal" didn't already exist, it would
have to be invented to describe this "song."

4.  "Hot Dog" - see Bill's comments above.

3.  "Darlene" - this song has all the charm and appeal of an abscess.

2.  "Poor Tom" - poor Tom indeed.  No one should have a song this bad
written about him or her.

1.  "D'yer Maker" - vile.  Hideous.  Wretched.  Morally bankrupt.  Evil.
Grating.  Witless.  Loathsome.  Repulisve.  Repugnant.  Reprehensible.  
Intelligence-insulting.  Flat-out awful.



Rob