re: The Ten Worst Zep Songs

[Ed Zeppelin <grab1196@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

>Really, I'm doing this to piss everyone off, and maybe get a few yuks.  If
>you're sensitive, skip or delete now.

 Well, this was a good post; thought provoking anyways. But allow me to
refute...

>10. Thank You --  Admittedly, when played live this song tried to rock, at
>least it did every once it a while.  The BBC version is great... for the
>first few seconds.  It then rapidly deteriorates into the same dumb love
>song wherein the hardest-rocking guys in show biz play like
>barbituate-loaded Lawrence Welk Band devotees.  The one song on Zep II that
>receives the "skip" button every time.

 This was probably one of the first of what became a sort of sub-genre in
rock music: the power ballad. I'll give you this much - the lyrics are
awful. I'll even admit that the studio version is rather weak and plodding.
Live though, they really managed to infuse this with all the power it's
missing on II. Also, despite it's shortcomings, chicks LOVE this song. ;-)
Sample comments from two women:
 Tori Amos has described that as a girl she masturbated to this song.  !!
 My friend Dawn: "I love this song! I want it played at my wedding!"

>9.  The Crunge -- The boys took "Play that Funky Music White Boy" a little
>too seriously.  Unfortunately, applying one's brain to a funk riff can only
>fuck it up.  Funk is music of the crotch, and The Crunge falls somewhat
>short; music of the toes, maybe.

 Aww, come on. Just because it's undanceable? Some of Zep's best moments
were when they waxed funky. The Crunge was a perfect way to cap HotH
(Zeppelin's "happiest" album). From 'It's Your Thing' to 'Theme from
Shaft,' I *love* Zep's funkadleic excursions, and Crunge is no exception.

>8.  I'm Gonna Crawl --  The last song in the (non-postumous) catalogue.
>Zep should've stopped with All My Love.  Crawl, indeed... as far from your
>speakers as possible.  Unfortunately, you can't skip this one, because it's
>last.  Maybe it earns the even-more-coveted "Disc Skip" award.

 No way...that string intro is so silky smooth, and the song is a nice
variation on the aforementioned power ballad. Possibly one of Jimmy's
greatest solos (within the context of the song).

>7.  Boogie With Stu --  Okay, so they had a a double album to fill.
>Fortunately, the skip button works on double CDs, too.

 Hissss, booooooo. Poor Ian is rolling over in his grave. This a great
tune, that piano makes it worth it no matter what, and the creative
percussion and catchy melody make it unforgettable.

>6.  South Bound Suarez --  It's a shame Jimmy Page took so much smack,
>because that left him all too easy a target for Satan-in-Muttonchops, aka
>John Paul Jones.  As a result, we, the fans, are left with drivel like
>this.

 You're right. This song sucks.

>5.  Hats Off to Roy Harper --  Zeppelin has a well-deserved reputation for
>ripping off other artists, and nowhere is this more apparent than in Hats
>Off.  Can you see it?  Jimmy:  "Robert, I'm going to play a bunch of atonal
>slide scrapes.  You sing a bunch of old blues standards."  Robert:  "Okay,
>Jimmy."  Wow, what devastating way to close the otherwise superb Zep III.
>Another "Disc Skip" winner.

 You can't listen to this song on your nice, clear, $1,000 rack stereo
system. You need to hear it on a scratchy old record, or better yet, on an
am radio station that isn't coming in too well. This song isn't about
ripping off, it's about atmosphere and tribute.

>4-3-2.  What I call the "Presence Suite": Royal Orleans, Candy Store Rock,
>and Hots on for Nowhere.  They say necessity is the mother of invention; in
>this case the *need* to skip so many songs begat the programmable CD
>player.  The "good" stuff on this album is hardly enough to offset the
>"skip" winners.  "Oh, baby, baby" I'll just listen to another album
>instead.

 I never really "got" these songs until a while back when someone, maybe
Thor, pointed out that the repetition inherent on Presence is very
ritualistic. Once you look at it that way, the redundancy makes more sense.
Right, they're not the best of songs, maybe even among the ten least
favored tunes, but they're not really bad songs. It's just that the rest
are so damn good.

>And number one....
>
>1.  Hot Dog --  More like "Cold Turkey."  Smack addled Page could barely
>play it.  Live versions reveal Page missing approximately every note, which
>makes me wonder how many takes this "fun little song" took in the studio.
>Probably seemed funny at the time, but twenty years later it's about as
>funny as the old joke about the Priest, the Rabbi and the Polack.

 Man, seems like everyone hates this song. I dig it. I won't justify it any
other way...dammit, I like Hot Dog!

Yeah, these really aren't the best of the catalogue, and Bill's right about
most of this stuff, I just wanted to pipe up with some Mephistophelean
advocation. ;-)

 Shaft!
 Ed Zeppelin